low point and relizations

no matter how hard i try not to think of the idea that i may never be a mother, there is alway someone or something there to remind me of it. It becomes so overwhelming sometimes and i try to keep my head up and act like it doesnt bother me that much, but my faux wall of indifference is starting to fall. one of these days im gonna see another pregnant lady go by and just snap, ill just start bawling or become angry or just not be able to go out! Im praying that i will learn to let this go and be happy with the treasures that i do have already. which brings me to my relization: I believe i am trying to fill that gap of no kids with pets. no sane person with as many animals that i already have would still want more and yet whenever i see a baby somethin or other i want it. its become a lot although i love all of my animals very much i have to remind myself that they are pets and not my actual babies sometimes. its rather pathetic.. ohh.. i find myself always going on about them and thankfully people understand or have thier own pets and do the same thing. my poor husband he is so very supportive but i think he is stressed out by it some days, our newest puppy he really didnt want(although he did fall in love with him along with me) he was able to be practical and say we cant have another dog, but nope not me i needed him he was my baby. why cant i just be normal? is that so much to ask? i keep reminding myself that God has some kind of plan for us, but its trying to be patient and understanding of that plan that im just having the damndest time with.