Tuesday, March 30, 2010

IUI

so i am supposed to go for my first IUI in a week (a little delayed as my period started a few days late) which a i had been all excited about however after browsing the web today ive learned that its not as succesful as the doctors told me it was. so what now i go through that for a few months then the doctors told me there isnt much else they can do for me. I am so tired, tired of always hoping and hurting and waiting, why cant i just give up already! people keep saying dont give up God has a plan.. ya well what if that plan isnt for me to have a baby? what if he is up there telling me to stop hurting myself and move on? I always try to hide my feelings from others i dont want them to know how sad and angry i always am.. how i just want ot crawl into a cave and sulk often. sadly sometimes they find out, not as often now, as im getting better at masking it. i just dont know what to do or think any more... some answers or even hints from above would be nice, but i have a fear that they are being givin to me but ive hardened my heart over the years anf just am not hearing them. oh boy

updates and ranting

well it has been much longer than i though since ive last posted. hmm someones been lazy... well what is new?: my epicure party went well i sold $968 before tax, so that is $96 dollars of free stuff for me woo hoo. it was nicer however to get to see family and friends some of which i hadnt seen in a while. My vow to myself that id start working out again has been slacking, i only do a little here and there, ya i guess its better than nothing but i deffinately need more! ugh... My baby(the puppy) is growing, thankfully not too much or too fast lol, the vet said hes a runt and always will be so he will only be approx 40 pounds which is ok with me. my little girl (the chihuahua) is still sick we are still fighting it but i dont want to make her feel worse or always be at the vet. and the big boy(my big dog) is good like always.
so for a rant its just that my stupid sister in law and her hubby are tryingh to move now (which is needed as they live in a 500 sq foot house with a 4th child on the way) but somehow theyve managed to find that one awsome deal, its a 3000 sq foot house for $289 000, which is a lot but great for that house. now the only foolish thing is that they have trouble every month finding the money to cover their $139 000 mortgage, how do they plan on paying over double... also now the cow (terrible sister in law) is talking about when she will have their next child! she still refuses to get a job, which is a little understandable at the moment being pregnant and all but come on.. once the nnewest is off the boob you should be able to find something part time oh ya i forgot you still havent sent any of them to school! dumb lady! ughh ok ok enough

have a good day all

Friday, March 5, 2010

updates

so my epicure party is tomorrow I am so excited as well as a little nervous its been a long time since Ive entertained a party this large (approx 30 people) I am also thinking to have my neighbour puppy sit while it is happening, otherwise the puppy will be into everything he can and bugging everyone else lol.
I go back to the lab in a few days, this will be my last month of monitoring and drugs and tests if I can force them to speed things along. which means next month we will try our first IUI, I am a little nervous about this but the doctors assure me its not too painful or awkward. I will still have to do all the monitoring and testing but at least there will be the extra push to try to help us get pregnant. it gets so hard some days although I am getting better at staying positive and letting things go more often, but I find it very hard to even hear about my terrible sister in law and her latest pregnancy which can make things a little awkard between the family. ugh ... it will all work out for the best in the end... right?

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Dog Parks and Parties

I got to take my puppy to the dog park today and he absolutely loved it! he was havin a blast! I originally took both boys to the park however my big boy doesnt know how to socialize well, he gets so over excited and wants to be dominant at times that he can be mean sometimes. its so sad because i know i did that by not getting him out enough when he was a puppy and being too nervous now to try. The little boy did great though which i am super excited about, and I am goin to get the big boy into classes so he can learn to socialize then one day they will be able to go together. the little girl isnt feeling well enough to go out and romp so she stayed home and relaxed.
On another note, my Epicure party is this Saturday I am so excited to finally be entertaining again, and hopefully i may be able to score some free stuff outta this party lol. Sadly I found out that there were a couple other parties not long ago so some of the people I was counting on to buy stuff dont need anything. oh well it will still be fun, I have some family comeing that i havent seen in a few months so that will be really nice.
ok have a good day everyone