updates

I had my first IUI done a few days ago we opted not to do the seconed day also this month however due to the cost which we werent prepared for( a few more hundred then we were thinking) but you never know, they said that it rarely takes on the first try. I wish things could be more simple. I always heard that invitro was anywhere from 10 to 20 thousand but hearing the doctor confirm it was still a kick in the butt. we were discussing it in case the IUIs dont work out, but the doctor still doeasnt think its for us.
Why does it always seem that good things come to those who dont deserve it. Not saying that im always the most deserving and I do know that I am very blessed with everything i have now, but its still hard sometimes. At the moment i am waching my boys(2 of my dogs) playing oh so sweetly next to me and it is one of the cutest things i have seen, and i ask myself why cant i just be happy with what i have now. ugh...
My dieting and exercising have been slacking already I lasted about a week of doing it all well and then flopped.
hmm... i guess not much else right now

IUI

so i am supposed to go for my first IUI in a week (a little delayed as my period started a few days late) which a i had been all excited about however after browsing the web today ive learned that its not as succesful as the doctors told me it was. so what now i go through that for a few months then the doctors told me there isnt much else they can do for me. I am so tired, tired of always hoping and hurting and waiting, why cant i just give up already! people keep saying dont give up God has a plan.. ya well what if that plan isnt for me to have a baby? what if he is up there telling me to stop hurting myself and move on? I always try to hide my feelings from others i dont want them to know how sad and angry i always am.. how i just want ot crawl into a cave and sulk often. sadly sometimes they find out, not as often now, as im getting better at masking it. i just dont know what to do or think any more... some answers or even hints from above would be nice, but i have a fear that they are being givin to me but ive hardened my heart over the years anf just am not hearing them. oh boy

updates and ranting

well it has been much longer than i though since ive last posted. hmm someones been lazy... well what is new?: my epicure party went well i sold $968 before tax, so that is $96 dollars of free stuff for me woo hoo. it was nicer however to get to see family and friends some of which i hadnt seen in a while. My vow to myself that id start working out again has been slacking, i only do a little here and there, ya i guess its better than nothing but i deffinately need more! ugh... My baby(the puppy) is growing, thankfully not too much or too fast lol, the vet said hes a runt and always will be so he will only be approx 40 pounds which is ok with me. my little girl (the chihuahua) is still sick we are still fighting it but i dont want to make her feel worse or always be at the vet. and the big boy(my big dog) is good like always.
so for a rant its just that my stupid sister in law and her hubby are tryingh to move now (which is needed as they live in a 500 sq foot house with a 4th child on the way) but somehow theyve managed to find that one awsome deal, its a 3000 sq foot house for $289 000, which is a lot but great for that house. now the only foolish thing is that they have trouble every month finding the money to cover their $139 000 mortgage, how do they plan on paying over double... also now the cow (terrible sister in law) is talking about when she will have their next child! she still refuses to get a job, which is a little understandable at the moment being pregnant and all but come on.. once the nnewest is off the boob you should be able to find something part time oh ya i forgot you still havent sent any of them to school! dumb lady! ughh ok ok enough

have a good day all

updates

so my epicure party is tomorrow I am so excited as well as a little nervous its been a long time since Ive entertained a party this large (approx 30 people) I am also thinking to have my neighbour puppy sit while it is happening, otherwise the puppy will be into everything he can and bugging everyone else lol.
I go back to the lab in a few days, this will be my last month of monitoring and drugs and tests if I can force them to speed things along. which means next month we will try our first IUI, I am a little nervous about this but the doctors assure me its not too painful or awkward. I will still have to do all the monitoring and testing but at least there will be the extra push to try to help us get pregnant. it gets so hard some days although I am getting better at staying positive and letting things go more often, but I find it very hard to even hear about my terrible sister in law and her latest pregnancy which can make things a little awkard between the family. ugh ... it will all work out for the best in the end... right?

Dog Parks and Parties

I got to take my puppy to the dog park today and he absolutely loved it! he was havin a blast! I originally took both boys to the park however my big boy doesnt know how to socialize well, he gets so over excited and wants to be dominant at times that he can be mean sometimes. its so sad because i know i did that by not getting him out enough when he was a puppy and being too nervous now to try. The little boy did great though which i am super excited about, and I am goin to get the big boy into classes so he can learn to socialize then one day they will be able to go together. the little girl isnt feeling well enough to go out and romp so she stayed home and relaxed.
On another note, my Epicure party is this Saturday I am so excited to finally be entertaining again, and hopefully i may be able to score some free stuff outta this party lol. Sadly I found out that there were a couple other parties not long ago so some of the people I was counting on to buy stuff dont need anything. oh well it will still be fun, I have some family comeing that i havent seen in a few months so that will be really nice.
ok have a good day everyone

Dentist

for the last few days ive been so busy working and cleaning and going through stuff to get rid of, that i havent had time to blog on here. plus nothing really exciting happening either. I went to the dentist today, which normally i dont mind(Idont fear the dentist lol) however today he was pretty annoying trying to convince me to do so many expensive things. I had 2 cavities that needed to be filled thats why i was there but also to check out a tooth that approx 8 months ago broke in half and he told me to save. well sure enough it broke again, I suggested just pulling it to save time and money but nooo he wants me to fix it again (òh itll only come to $2000!) yikes so i told him id think about it. well then he starts going on that i have 2 wisdom teeth still ya well they have been there for about 10 years and havent givin me trouble. well he wants to pull them and oh thats only another $2000, then he want to whiten my teeth a little he says working in a public place like i do, it would be nice well thats only a few hundred. Yeesh what does he think Im made of, its deffinately not cash!

foam curlers

.so you remember back in the days tose old school foam curlers? you know, the ones your mother or grandmother would put in your hair the night before a scool picture. after you got out of the shower the would sit you down and begin the lengthy and painful proccess of placing tons of little foam rollers in your hair so close to your scalp it would pinch or pull. lol well ya those ones last night while cleaning out my office i found a bag of them, so what did i do lol? I decided i would curl my hair of course! well i didnt put in as many as my mom would have and i didnt roll them as tight, hoping that they would be kinda loose curls, well right before my hubby got home i started pulling them out sure that they would all be dry, but sadly no there were about 4 that were still damp so i had a bunch of curls with random damp wavy spots. lol oh well i fluffed it all up put it into a cute pony and away we went to dinner. it was still fun to roll my hair using them it reminds you of the old days.
have a good day all

chinese new year

well my awsome hubby surprised me with tickets to the all you can eat chinese restaurant;s new year celebration. it was wonderfull, altough i ate too much lol. but we all know its next to impossible to NOT eat too much at a chinese restaurant mmm... lol. Our puppy finally goes for his last shots and updates so we can bring him to the dog parks and puppy gatherings, i think i am more excited than he is. it will be so good for him to go out and make more friends. he is such a cutie pie. At the moment he is on the couch next to me looking at me like "i know i am the cutest" lol.
Terrible sister inlaw update. she has bought some old bunk beads for her 2 oldest boys( 4.5 and 3) and then she is going to stack the cribs of her 1 year old and the soon to be baby so that he wont have to be in her way when shes in the kitchen trying to get to her twinkies.
have a good day all

updates and entertaining

so the nurses at the lab told me only to wait 1 more month to try getting pregnant wity just the assistance that we are getting now, if it doesnt happen to insist for the IUI. when they go ahead with that they will try it up to 3 times for me. So that means in the matter of 4 or 5 months i will either be Lord willing, pregnant or be told there is nothing else they can do for me. So I am pretty excited and nervous about that im trying not to think of it too much but it is kind of hard.
Also on March 6 i will be holding an Epicure party woo hoo its been a while since i have entertained anyone let a lone a whole group of 20 - 40 people so i am also excited and nervous about that. as long as i can get a little more renos done and the house all clean and organized it should be good. oh and by the way everyone that sour cream banana bread recipee turned out really nice. the loaf was nice and moist and dense. mmm mmm good.
have a good day :)

lost babies

for the longest time now I have been able to not think about my misscarriages much. I was able to let it go in a way. but then reading a blog about a lost child reminded me of them. although they werent far along they were still my babies. I never got to meet them but i still love them. I remember the ultrasound photos once again the farthest one was only approx 3.5 months so it wasnt much, but still. so today i think i will take the time off of cleaning and relax before going to see our friends.

Stressed

well I have been driving 50 minutes each way to the lab for the last few days with many more to come to try to help me get pregnant, and although it can be tiring and uncomfortable im trying to stay positive that it is all worth it and will pay off in the end. that some day i will hold my beautiful baby and know the blessing that so many others recieve. which brings me to my terrible sister in law update: some family members and friends arent the most supportive of this 4th baby and the fact that she will neglect it along with her other kids. along with the fact that she refuses to clean her house or get a job, and what does she come up with as an excuse? that that is what GOD wants out of her! she writes that the Lord wants her to continue having babies even though she cant support them or care for them, that its the lords fault that she keeps getting pregnant and that in the bible it says women should stay at home etc... I am greatly frustrated by this, yes it does say in the bible to go forth and multiply and yes the Lord loves babies. but i am sure He wants you to love and appreciate the gifts he has givin you! She has to grow up and be practical come on you live in a 500 sq ft house there is no way! and your refusing to clean which has caused mold and verman only makes your babies sick! GROW UP! argh... ok ok... Im over it deep breath let it go .... ok well on a happier note we willn be getting together with some dear friends of ours whom we havent seen in a while so i am really excited about that.
have a great day

Cute Blogs

once again i state that i am new to blogging, have never done anything like this and all in all not great with computers. pretty much every blog i look at is so nice and cute.. HOW DO I DO THAT?! lol.. mine is so boring I attempted putting a few photos of my pets up and they didnt go where i wanted them and they are huge lol oh well one day maybe someone will fill me in on the secrets to cute blogs.. sigh..

cleanin and bakin

hello everyone. well i finaly have a couple days off so im gonna be bustin my butt to get the house super clean. I wanna go through all of my cupboards and shelves and closets and get rid of anything i dont need and clean them all up. I am also going to attempt building a simple island for my kitchen for a little extra cupboard space as well as counter space. woo hoo.... yesterday i noticed that my bananas are goin bad pretty bad pretty fast i think its because my house is a little cool.. oh well that means banana bread is on its way yumm.. i found a new recipe for sour cream banana bread that i will try out, ive made a bunch of other kinds of banana bread so this one shall be a new spin on an old classic. have a great day

work

so remember when i mentioned that my hubby was supposed to be off of work for 2 - 4 weeks which worried me so i was bustin my butt trying to get extra hours at my work? well it turns out he only had one week off thank goodness. so i worked myself into a good stress for nothing. oh well. ugh approx a year ago i was eating some bacon and broke a toothy in half! so after spending 3 hours at the dentist and a lot of money they fixed it up and said i would be fine, i asked them if i should consider getting a crown on it so it doesnt break again in the future. they told me it wouldnt be neccessary but if i wanted to spend a bunch more money then i could get it done.... well i shouold have listened to myself and gotten it done! yesterday sure enough the damn thing broke in half again so back to the dentist i go woo hoo... ugh.. have a great day everyone

low point and relizations

no matter how hard i try not to think of the idea that i may never be a mother, there is alway someone or something there to remind me of it. It becomes so overwhelming sometimes and i try to keep my head up and act like it doesnt bother me that much, but my faux wall of indifference is starting to fall. one of these days im gonna see another pregnant lady go by and just snap, ill just start bawling or become angry or just not be able to go out! Im praying that i will learn to let this go and be happy with the treasures that i do have already. which brings me to my relization: I believe i am trying to fill that gap of no kids with pets. no sane person with as many animals that i already have would still want more and yet whenever i see a baby somethin or other i want it. its become a lot although i love all of my animals very much i have to remind myself that they are pets and not my actual babies sometimes. its rather pathetic.. ohh.. i find myself always going on about them and thankfully people understand or have thier own pets and do the same thing. my poor husband he is so very supportive but i think he is stressed out by it some days, our newest puppy he really didnt want(although he did fall in love with him along with me) he was able to be practical and say we cant have another dog, but nope not me i needed him he was my baby. why cant i just be normal? is that so much to ask? i keep reminding myself that God has some kind of plan for us, but its trying to be patient and understanding of that plan that im just having the damndest time with.

painting

well blogger world the day finally came.. i painted my kitchen, its only been 2 months in waiting lol. a few months ago i bought the paint and supplies to paint my kitchen however time did not allow me to get it done. everything ended up under the kitchen sink waiting to be used. well no more! i got it done today woo hoo.. so from a boring yellow to a soft creamy mint green, looks so nice.

no bread

well i ended up getting called to work and then some of my friends wanted to go to a movie so i didnt make any bread oh well i guess i will have to try another day. what is new well my puppy is almost 5 months and still acts very immature at times im trying to let it go but it can be frustrating, for example i came home yesterday to discover that he had eaten my good pair of winter boots and peed in the house which he hasnt done in a long time. we were only gone for about 2.5 hours so that shouldnt have happened. I have to keep reminding myself that our firts dog was a miracle puppy i guess (never had an accident in the house fully trained by 3 months never any chewing or humping, wanted to learn and please us) where as Ace the new puppy is a typical puppy. oh well he will grow out of it soon. Hmm what else is new well I have started attempting to entertain again, we are hosting a bbq on friday and i will be throwing and Epicure party in a few weeks. so thats good. However for a low point this month has come and gone still not pregnant so a shit load more testing, monitoring, and experimenting await me in a couple day woo hoo. itll be worth it in the end i guess. ok ill write to you all later. ciao

making bread

alrighty blogging world, today i want to try something new, making artisan breads. I have made banana loaf and such before but never any actual nice artisan breads so that is a project for today... we will see how it goes.

getiing motivated

hello all, so i have finally admitted to myself that im kind of letting myself go a bit.. ugh.. you know what i mean.. ive only been married 5 years and already put on 15 pounds, i dont worry about my overall health and apperance as much as i used to or should. Before i would never go out with out being in generally good shape, havin my hair, make up, clothes and accessories all done up right.. now im kind of like well its not too bad, or not too many bpeople will see me! how pathetic right? so like i stated earlier im gonna try to stay positive about all, so the positive in this means that i realize my issue and get to fix it. im gonna start workin out again, im gonna care about my appearance more. I also want to start entertaining again and going out more. good start i think.
terrible sister inlaw update: as i explained earlier she is pregnant with her 4th and doesnt care, she lives in a 500 sq ft house so she has stated that the new baby will either stay in the basement or kitchen, i vote for the kitchen its not as bad, although it has food, mold and fecal matter every where at least its not cold dank and unfinished. poor baby.
Infertility update: still nothin

no work and side projects

so we just found out that my hubby will have a couple weeks off of work due to a screw up at the factory they supply for. so like i said i am going to try to stay positive and look at the bright side... bright side of the situation means more time for him to do renos around the house, more work for me, and... im not sure yet but we will get there. Another side project ive decided to work on is making a lot of my own dog foods, like i said earlier i have 3 dogs and i want them to eat the best i can provide for them, sadly a lot of the dog foods at the stores arent great, so i have looked up some recipees for wet and dry dog foods and im gonna give it a whirl. Thankfully my dogs arent picky so Im sure theyll love it no matter what. good night blogging world.

more treatments

so i have to go back to the labratory in a week, woo hoo i get a week and a half off then its and hour each way back and forth everyday to the lab for more monitoring and testing everyday. when will it pay off. im hoping one day, however i am starting to lose faith again, after being relaxed and happy with what i had for a while there. I know its from the news that my terrible sister in law is pregnant again- get this everyone they live in a 500 square foot house, no yard already have 3 kids and a large dog, and yet she has gotten bored of the kids she has and the lack of attention and free gifts and supplies people give her so she went and got pregnant again! I get to sit here going through a pile of shit just to try to get pregnant and not misscarry again and she just blinks and is pregnant! argh.. its so hard to stay positive, as my previous post stated i wouldf like to try to be happy more often, so I am venting this now, then i am going to remind myself of the awsome husband i have the great family of pets that i am privelaged to mother and the good house and job that we have. I am now going to try to move on.. for now anyways.. until i hear about the terrible sister in law again.

happiness

so on my way home from work yesterday i was wondering "how hard would it be to always be happy?" i wonder... to always make the best out of a situation, to turn a bad day into a good day, to easily brush off the negative, etcc.. i would imagine its next to impossible for the average person, but i think i may attempt it, to try to always be happy. hmmm... wonder how long ill last lol.

just starting

well hello blogging world ive never done this and havent known anyone who did until recently a coworker suggested i try it as a way to get suggestions on life and a way to possibly find support for lifes challenges. so lets see where to start, well i am a full time employed married woman, who has a great house full of animals and a husband whom i love with all of my heart. i am lucky in so many ways but one for almost 5 years we have been trying to have a baby with only 3 miscarriages as the result. the doctors are now saying the only option left is daily monitoring and then an IUI if that doesnt work well than thats it. nadda. what else well as wierd as it sounds i guess im old fashioned i have this desire to be the perfect wife and mother(to my animals for now i guess lol) a stepford wife if you will, so i try hard to accomplish this goal but most days i feel i fall short. now my husband is always happy and supportive and i wish i could share in his relaxed happiness, but nope. I have 3 awsome dogs well 1 is still a puppy and a bit of a handfull lol. 2 fat cats. 4 reptiles and the newest addition to our family are 2 snakes. We are always renovating in the hopes of moving one day soon and i have a full family both on my side and the inlaws side, which at times can be too much to handle (but i guess thats like most families lol)
well i guess thats a good start, we will see where this goes.. thanks